R.I.P. Daryle Ward

This is the image that came up when I googled "Daryle Ward Cincinnati Reds." How fitting.

When you are as one-dimensional as Daryle Ward (left-handed pinch hitting power bat) you should probably be damn good if not downright fantastic at your one thing. Unfortunately, Daryle is just a notch above average at that one thing he does.

Ward was the first cut by the Reds this spring who's name might sound familiar to a mildly dedicated fan of another team. While there are other players performing worse than Daryle in camp, he was weeded early, inevitably to give him enough time to sign with another team before Opening Day and become that team's left-handed pinch hitting power bat. He only needs St. Louis and Milwaukee to complete the NL Central tour.

All other outfield/first base backups being considered for the Reds 25-man roster can play multiple positions well and should provide at least average firepower (Gomes, Nix, Jones). I had originally pegged Ward with a roster spot, but I've been wrong about predicting bench spots before (the 1995 Jimmy Reynolds incident comes to mind--I hate when that pick rears its ugly head). I don't feel bad for Daryle. At least management is being consistent. They're going young. Daryle is not young. He's 34, which is like 68 outside of baseball. Laynce Nix might be the beneficiary of this move, a younger guy who's been waiting for a chance. I say give it to him. Or better yet, Little Norris Hopper! Almost forgot about him. Oh, Norry, please make it, please. But wait, Jacque Jones is 34 too. I give up. Just close your eyes and pick someone, then start the season.

STAT WATCH: I foresee at least one late-inning Daryle Ward revenge homer against the Reds. This will most likely happen against David Weathers and an 87-mph fastball that was aimed at the outside corner but for some reason floated gently over the center of the plate.

Why I despise George Grande

"Stay tuned for The Best Darn Sports Show Period."


I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Jacque Jones can count his friends on one hand

"Joe Morgan, how come no one likes me?"

If Jacque Jones makes the Opening Day roster, it's safe to say the world will end. He has a few things going against him...

• He is 34.
• As with Corey Patterson, he used to play for Dusty on the Cubs (a devestating combo for any Reds fan).
  
• He is coming off the worst season of his career and is batting .172 this spring (many Reds fans judge a player's entire career on one Spring Training)
• He is competing with fan favorites Chris Dickerson, Jonny Gomes, Little Norris Hopper, Laynce Nix and the ghost of Adam Dunn for a roster spot.
  

That's quite a mountain to climb for Jacque. I don't know what would make Reds fans dislike him any more, unless of course he was black with a French name.

Uh oh.

The worst song ever written?

These are The Hotcakes, and their song "Paint the Town Red" was chosen by the Reds PR department as the Reds theme song this year. The band is comprised of a cute blonde singer, a nerdy guitarist who's timidness causes him to raise his hands towards his neck when the camera is on him (much like Ricky Bobby), a saucy black keyboardist who majors in keepin' it real, and the drummer, in his spare time, does TV commercials for UPS where he does quick line drawings on a white background.

Here are the lyrics from what I can decipher:

When the cops come, we're gonna run right at them (really?)
Because they'll never expect it (over and over)
We'll paint the town red (8 times too many)

And the next time that your mother calls, we're gonna shout shout shout at the way it feels (what?)
Because she'll never expect it (0ver and over)
We'll paint the town red (8 times too many)

The next time the dogs are out, we're gonna search for a snapshot (applesauce pajama bunches--wait a second, just making up random phrases is kinda fun!)
Because they'll never expect it (over and over)
We'll paint the town red (shoot me in the face)

From what I gather, this song is about rioting against the police, yelling at your mother, searching for snapshots when the dogs are out (?), and all the while you are on a violent murder spree. Couldn't we have just paid the rights to John Fogerty's Centerfield and gotten on with things. Here's a link to their myspace page, where you can hear a studio version of the song, and posted below is a live video from the only New York bar they play in.

Apologies to DARYLE Ward

On another note, why is country music so bad?

If you see Daryle soon, tell him I'm sorry for spelling his name wrong for three months on The Red Scare. I knew there was a slight twist in the spelling of the name and I spelled it Darryl, not Daryle (which I believe is pronounced duh-rye-lee). Any incorrect past spellings of Daryle's name will stand as they are, strictly out of apathy.

Once again, Darrell, I'm sorry.

John Fay accomplishes the impossible

This is hard for me, because from what I know, John Fay is a good Enquirer reporter, as honest a source as you're going to get in reference to the Reds. He also seems like a polite man, one who dresses semi-casually and would make a tremendous uncle. You'll never catch John in his undies on a Saturday morning knock, let's just put it that way.

So you could imagine my anticipation when I read the title of his story yesterday on the Enquirer web page:

Rotation takes shape

and the lede: Reds manager Dusty Baker revealed on Friday how the rest of the rotation will shape up behind Opening Day starter Aaron Harang.

Hold on for one second while I change my pants because I seem to have saturated them with urine. It appeared that Dusty made the doomsday decision of selecting Owings or Bailey for the 5th starter spot! The decision would have been slightly premature with 20 days 'til Opening Day, but then again, we're talking about Dusty here. The man has some dumbfounding methods.

To make a long story short (and I wouldn't even bother reading the article even though I've posted a link to it thus giving you the option ro read it even after my suggestion not to read it, because I'm pro-choice), the article revealed the rest of the rotation after Harang to be (pay close attention): Edinson Volquez, Bronson Arroyo, Johnny Cueto and...and...ummm....nothing........no mention of anything about the 5th starter.....oh, wait, except for an Edinson quote about how he was happy not to be the 5th starter this year. "Damn you John," the blogger screams at the top of his lungs, holding and shaking his fist in the air.

And with that, John Fay accomplished the impossible by writing an article about the set pitching rotation without mentioning Homer Bailey or Micah Owings--not one mention of either. You should know that most reporters do not get final say on the title of their story (that's a job for the pompous editors), but even still, John's lede was cruel and unusual punishment for all Reds fans. If you read the article not knowing anything about baseball or the Reds, you probably just assume that the Reds are going with a 4-man rotation.

And the dazzling finale:

Cueto will start Sunday in place of Nick Masset. Masset will be used in relief of Cueto. "(Cueto's) only warmed up as a starter," Baker said.

Riggghhhhhttttt?

Davey Johnson will never forgive his stepson

Davey Johnson, former Reds coach and current manager of Team USA baseball, will miss the team's WBC second round opener against Puerto Rico tomorrow because his stupid stepson, who he never asked for, is getting married. Of all the dates, Jeremy, really?

None other than bench coach Barry Larkin will take over the reigns for Johnson, who will rejoin the team on Sunday. This is Barry's chance to insert himself in the lineup. He could probably out-play Derosa.

Spring Training, when will you end?

Edinson "getting the rust off"

This is the first year I've followed Reds Spring Training pitch by pitch. Let's just say I want to stab my eyes out with a spork. A person can only take so much speculation. Only 25 more days of torture! I think most fans grow more excited as the preseason trods along, but I find myself wanting to hurt my live-in girlfriend for no reason when I watch players like Richar, Rosales and Barker fart around the field playing dress up like a Red for a day. Oh and I almost forgot about Houston players Newhan, Sutton, Palmisano, Bogusevic and Mansella. I watched them play too--what thrills!

The speculation! The Spring Training cliches! I don't know if I can take it anymore. The highlight of today's game for me was when the Houston Astros radio announcer listed our starting defense, including Dennis Hopper in center field. It made me so happy at the moment, and now, thinking back on it, it is really sad how happy I was.

At least the World Baseball Classic has provided some diamond drama. You have to love how Joey Votto, playing for Canada, stroked a homer against America's best, Jake Peavy. And you have to be happy for Adam Dunn, who is carrying the load for the United States in the cleanup spot and getting oodles of praise from analysts. Son of a biscuit, he has looked good on the big stage, as close as he'll ever get to a playoff scenario (gypsy tears).

Throw out the statistics in Spring Training

They are practically useless for many reasons listed below. (I'll be borrowing here from a well-written Kansas City Royals blog article. Who knew someone associated with the Royals could produce something so beautiful. JK NYRoyal.)

1. The sample size is shrimpy. Nothing can be proven for a hitter in less than 40 ABs, which is what most fringe batters will get, and in the same way, for fringe starting pitchers who might get 15-20 IP, and relievers who might get 5-10 IP, if they're lucky.

2. The scrubs come out to play. Who are all of these people? I'm pretty sure one guy's name was Humpty McDougal.

3. Unreal play. Veterans usually set their motors on coast and pitchers tinker around with different pitches. Other players who are locks are just saving themselves and avoiding injury. When I pitched in high school (here we go), I remember fooling around with different grips and motions in the preseason because I could, and cause it was kind of fun.

4. Cactus League air factor. The ball carries well in Arizona, or so I hear.

I know that Spring Training has its benefits, but preseason stats should never be used to judge a player. The coaching staff could give a rat's Belisle about stats. They are looking at the nuances of development in younger players: the added velocity on a fastball, the refined location, the shortened swing, the improved eye, the use of the whole field, the jump on the stolen base, and other intangibles. In veterans, Spring Training is mostly a pulse checker: can he still get the bat off his shoulders? Can he still judge a fly ball? It's very similar to an auto emission's test. More than likely, you're gonna pass.

Here are some deceiving Spring Trainings from last year's team...

Joey Votto--38 ABs, .158 BA, .263 SLG (result: best all-around hitter on the team)
Corey Patterson--22 ABs, .455 BA, .545 SLG (result: you would have done better than Corey)
Drew Anderson--33 ABs, .394 BA, .485 SLG (result: no soup for you)
Andy Green--28 ABs, .357 BA, .786 SLG (result: he bagged your groceries last night)

Spring Training cliches
I listened to a broadcast recently (I forget which one. They all blend together.) where the announcer described a player's timing as being out of sorts after the player was late on a fastball and early on a changeup. "He's just getting the rust off," the announcer said. In the player's next AB, he smoked a 450 ft. homer. The announced said, "He's really zeroed in this spring." This is a microcosm of what Spring Training means to me.

Some past Reds Spring Training records

2008 17-15

2007 18-12

2006 22-11

2005 17-15

2004 17-16

Ranks: NL Central Third Basemen

1. Aramis Ramirez, 31--CHI

2. Troy Glaus, 32--STL

3. Edwin Encarnacion, 26--CIN

4. Bill Hall, 29--MIL

5. Insert HOU third basemen here

6. Insert PIT third basemen here

Aramis Ramirez and his pet rooster take the cake slice here. Ramirez hasn't finished with an OPS+ less than 126 in his last five seasons. Aramis was a 2003 gift from the Pirates, who gave him to the Cubs for Jose Hernandez, Bobby Hill and Matt Brubeck. In most cases, three players are better than one--in this case, not at all. Then again, that's why Pittsburgh is Pittsburgh. They trade away young talent to "go even younger," an interesting concept. Troy Glaus is next, and even though he's only played three full seasons in the past six years, the man puts up numbers and isn't too much of a liability in the field. While his career batting average in 11 seasons is only .256, he owns a .360 OBP, .498 SLG and an OPS+ of 121, which is freaking great. In two years, however, Troy will be DHing in the AL.

Which brings us to Edwin, a 26-year-old who seems to gain more of an understanding every year, but who has yet to put it all together and produce a great year. He's finished above the league average in OPS+ the last three seasons (106, 101, 108) as a 23, 24 and 25-year-old. Fans have never given Edwin their hearts because they do not trust his defense, which can be, to say the least, at times, poop. And because of this poop factor, fans have grown tired with every out Edwin makes at the bat (see this baffling blog article in CityBeat entitled The Reds are Weird and it's EE's fault. WARNING: Hipsters don't do sports).

You never know what you're going to get with Bill Hall, unless of course he's playing the Reds. In 308 plate appearances, Bill has a .988 OPS against us. Against everyone else, he is human. And then there are a cluster of aging third basemen (Blum, Boone, Vazquez) who, frankly, I don't feel like writing about in any way.

All in all, just remember, no matter how frustrated you get with Edwin, the Reds have it pretty good at third base.

Dusty Bottoms (#1)

Per the Enquirer...

"[Jay Bruce] is starting to swing good. He's swinging better than he was last [Spring Training]. Last year his average was high but his production wasn't as good as it is this year."

Jay Bruce has batted 10 times this spring. He has 2 singles and 1 homer. Last spring he batted .262 in 42 ABs. Just so we're clear.