Walt would rather not talk about Jonny Gomes

I found this reds.com article written by Mark Sheldon amusing. Apparently, there weren't many good quotes to work with. Sheldon had one other Jocketty quote to work with, but decided to omit "I like rice."

R.I.P. Jeff Keppinger

Just after the trade, Kepp posed for his new team.

Yesterday the Reds traded Jeff Keppinger to Houston. Today, the Reds played Houston...and Jeff Keppinger. Let's just make this as uncomfortable as possible. At least Kepp wasn't hit by a pitch.

So yes, the Reds have parted ways with Jeff "Elmer Fudd" Keppinger, for the dreaded player to be named later, which is never good for the psyche--

Walt: Kepp, I'm sorry, but we've traded you to Houston.

Kepp: That's okay, I guess. I should get more playing time there. Say, just curious, who did you get for me? Micheal Bourn? Reggie Abercrombie? Christ, please don't say Geoff Blum. Anybody but Geoff Blum.

Walt: Well, technically, it is anybody at this point.

Kepp: I'm not sure what you mean.

Walt: We traded you for a player to be named later.

Kepp: Jesus Walt, why? (eyes welling)

Walt: At the moment, you are more valuable to our club by just not being here. It doesn't even matter who we get. Just not having you here is good enough. Don't tell Houston this, but I would have traded you for a discount hummer from that whore in their PR department, but they offered an unnamed minor leaguer and I thought what the hell.

It's pretty obvious that Kepp hasn't been the same player since fracturing his kneecap last year and the Reds were unwilling to wait any longer, especially with farm-raised youngsters Janish and Rosales gearing up to be the next Juan Castro for years to come. Okay, maybe just Janish.

I'm happy for Kepp, as I am for most players traded away from our organization. Houston needs all the help they can get. When (not if) this guy gets healthy, he will hit over .300 and never strike out, while displaying solid defense, as he has done at every level. Every time Kepp gets a hit against the Reds this year I will do a shot of vodka, and you can bet your ass I won't be able to stand up after each game.

OBP: "Oh Brandon Phillips"

Brandon Phillips made it clear today that he doesn't believe in the idea of OBP, aka on-base percentage, aka the measurement of how often a batter reaches base. In an Enquirer article out today, Phillips had all sorts of interesting things to say. Here are some of the most interesting.

"I don't believe in that on-base percentage (stuff). That's overrated to me. If you get hits, you'll be on base. That's what it's about."

This sounds like something a good player with a low OBP would say, or someone who is confusing real baseball with video game baseball. We all know what Dusty said recently about OBP, in reference to Willy Taveras and his lack thereof--"Everyone talks about his on-base percentage. I like the way he gets in scoring position." It appears this backwards outlook has rubbed off on our bright young grinning star.

"I'm a hitter. I swing the bat. I'm an aggressive hitter. They want me to work on [being patient], and I'll try my best. But I'm a hitter."

These quotes explain a lot about Brandon, who doesn't seem to know the difference between being a hitter and a hacker. The latter might have a career SO/BB ratio of 3:1 like Brandon does. It's okay to be aggressive but you can really hurt your team in many ways by swinging at crap pitches, which Brandon is amazing at.

"My numbers were good last year. For me to hit 20-plus homers, steal 20-plus bags and have 70-plus RBI, that's a good season, especially for a second basemen."

Brandon sounds pretty defensive, and maybe he should be. When he puts it that way, yes, he did put up pretty solid numbers for a second basemen. But when you zoom out and see that all his offensive numbers went down at an age when numbers should spike, that for his 23 swipes he was nailed 10 times, that he might have netted more RBI had he not batted .225 in 71 ABs with two outs and runners in scoring position, those general numbers lose some luster.

"I think [the Reds new emphasis on speed] is a good thing--moving runners from first to second and second to third. It's good to have speed on the team. Speed kills. We've been relying on the home run for so many years. We've had eight losing seasons. The way I look at it: It's time for a change. Walt Jocketty brought that in. We're 100 percent behind him."

When the hell did Brandon Phillips become the Machurian Candidate? I can see Brandon saying this quote in a monotone droll, his eyes not focused on anything in front of him, a Reds PR person coming out to the podium and taking him by the arm, "Okay Brandon, that will be all for today, good job." Brandon doesn't respond and is walked out of the room and placed in his pod for the night. Seriously Brandon, get with it. Speed isn't nearly as effective when you have a .319 career OBP as a Red. When you learn to get on base, we become a much more dangerous team. And to say we've been relying on home runs for the past eight years, why not just come out and blame it on Dunn and Griff? What about the other six or seven batters during that period? Couldn't they have balanced out the home run attack with some good hitting and speed. Couldn't they have done something to help win games? And what about the scalliwag pitching during those years? Somebody cut my cord. I'm turning into a crank. There can't possibly be more, can there?

"I'm not a typical fourth hitter. But who else on the team is going to do it?"

I give up. Brandon, I like you, but we have some fundamental baseball disagreements. With that kind of attitude, you will never develop into a professional hitter as they say, one who can manipulate the strike zone and make the pitcher work overtime, one who can help the team by taking ball four instead golfing for strike three. If you raise your OBP 70 points, you are Joe Morgan. That's how good you can be. Now get out there and stop trying to be Wily Mo Pena.

Random Musings on Defense, Speed and Pitching

1. Defense, speed and pitching. That's how we're going to win this year. You've heard it from Bob Castenelli. You've heard it from Walt Jocketty. You've heard it from Dusty. And you've heard it from all the fans drinking the red Kool-aid. That's fine. Every year there are new reasons to be excited, and how can you not be a little excited for another season of Reds baseball on the horizon.

2. So we couldn't win during the long ball era. I guess we should blame that on Adam Dunn and Ken Griffey Jr., and not on starting pitchers Matt Belisle, Eric Milton, Elizardo Ramirez, Brandon Claussen, Ramon Ortiz, Luke Hudson, Paul Wilson, Jose Acevedo, Cory Lidle, Todd Van Poppel, Ryan Dempster (when he sucked), Jimmy Haynes, Chris Rietsma, Lance Davis, Osvaldo Fernandez and the various management teams who acquired these players.

3. Ryan Howard's 2008 line: .251/.339/.543, 12.7 ABs/HR, 3.07 ABs/SO

Adam Dunn's 2008 line: .236/.386/.513, 12.9 ABs/HR, 3.15 ABs/SO

Ryan Howard finishes 2nd in MVP voting and his team wins the World Series. Adam Dunn is shown the door, traded to Arizona for potential 5th starter Micah Owings.

Point: It helps to be surrounded by good players.

4. Similar batters comparable to Adam Dunn through age 28 as compiled by Baseball Reference: Darryl Strawberry, Jose Canseco, Harmon Killebrew, Rocky Colavito, Reggie Jackson, Troy Glaus, Roger Maris.

Similar batters comparable to Chris Dickerson/Jerry Hairston Jr./Jonny Gomes: who cares.

Point: I would sacrifice some defense to have a lumber bat in the current Reds lineup. The World Champion Phillies surrounded Howard with good hitters and speed. If the Reds had kept Adam Dunn, they could have formed a similar balance, but instead, we released him just as all the pieces were starting to fall in place.

5. Often in baseball, the term "defense, pitching and speed" is masked language for "we're kinda poor."

Walt Jocketty would rather not get into it

The Reds missed the boat on Pat Burrell today. The official propaganda machine for the Reds, reds.com, tried to spin this into a positive, but it does nothing to pass the smell detector test. Simply put, the Reds botched it.

Pat the Bat signed a two-year contract worth $16 million with the Tampa Bay Rays. Considering Pat is coming off a steady 33 HR year with a World Series ring, the price was considerably lower than any team expected, especially the Reds.

"I'd rather not get into it," said Reds GM Walt Jocketty.

The Anatomy of a Loser a.k.a. "getting into it"
1. The Rays do not resign Rocco Baldelli because he is mediocre.
2. Committed to winning, the Rays go out and find a better replacement--Burrell.
3. The Reds, with a huge hole in left field and the middle of the order, never show a serious commitment to Burrell, one of a few free agents who will properly fill that hole.
4. After their worst dreams are realized and Burrell is gobbled up cheap, they decide to go after the lesser player to save their ass--Rocco Baldelli. Let's watch the desperation unfold in the next few weeks.

It's nice to know our management is patching up the holes--Oooo, spin for desert.

R.I.P: Matt "It's Ba-Lie-Yul, not Be-Liz-Lee" Belisle

Matt Belisle

(2003-2008)

There's no getting

around the fact that

Matt was an

odd-looking person.

Was he a reliever? Was he a starter? Was he half-horse? We'll never really know what Matt Belisle was. What we do know is that Matt was not a very good pitcher. This was evident in 2004 when Matt pitched the entire year in the Reds AAA system and went 9-11 with a 5.26 ERA in 28 starts. After the season, the order was for Matt to pack his bags and go home, but in a catastrophic mix-up, the AAA coach accidentally crossed the message and told Matt he was being promoted to the big leagues. After the dust settled, no one in Reds management had the heart to tell Matt the truth, so they let him dress in uniform and pitch once in a while. The rest is history: 4 seasons, 341 Innings, a career 5.06 ERA, a back injury, and 6 poorly edited Youtube videos (4 of which show him getting pulverized).

Matt was released by the Reds this offseason after explaining to Walk Jocketty that he hadn't recieved a paycheck in four years. Walt directed him to the payroll department, then released him twenty minutes later.