R.I.P. Daryle Ward

This is the image that came up when I googled "Daryle Ward Cincinnati Reds." How fitting.

When you are as one-dimensional as Daryle Ward (left-handed pinch hitting power bat) you should probably be damn good if not downright fantastic at your one thing. Unfortunately, Daryle is just a notch above average at that one thing he does.

Ward was the first cut by the Reds this spring who's name might sound familiar to a mildly dedicated fan of another team. While there are other players performing worse than Daryle in camp, he was weeded early, inevitably to give him enough time to sign with another team before Opening Day and become that team's left-handed pinch hitting power bat. He only needs St. Louis and Milwaukee to complete the NL Central tour.

All other outfield/first base backups being considered for the Reds 25-man roster can play multiple positions well and should provide at least average firepower (Gomes, Nix, Jones). I had originally pegged Ward with a roster spot, but I've been wrong about predicting bench spots before (the 1995 Jimmy Reynolds incident comes to mind--I hate when that pick rears its ugly head). I don't feel bad for Daryle. At least management is being consistent. They're going young. Daryle is not young. He's 34, which is like 68 outside of baseball. Laynce Nix might be the beneficiary of this move, a younger guy who's been waiting for a chance. I say give it to him. Or better yet, Little Norris Hopper! Almost forgot about him. Oh, Norry, please make it, please. But wait, Jacque Jones is 34 too. I give up. Just close your eyes and pick someone, then start the season.

STAT WATCH: I foresee at least one late-inning Daryle Ward revenge homer against the Reds. This will most likely happen against David Weathers and an 87-mph fastball that was aimed at the outside corner but for some reason floated gently over the center of the plate.

Welcome: Arthur "Bling Bling" Rhodes

This will be Arthur Rhodes 18th season. He is 39. He had Tommy John surgery in 2007. He's played with Baltimore, Seattle, Oakland, Cleveland, Philadelphia, Seattle again, and Florida. As a set-up man, he has wisened through the years. In his first ten seasons, he averaged a 4.80 ERA. How he remained in the league, I'm not sure (the answer is expansion). On the eve of the 2001 season, however, Arthur most likely received a phone call from an anonymous deep-voiced Mariner fanatic who threatened the safety of his family if Arthur didn't elevate his game. Since that probable phone call, he has averaged a squeaky clean 3.02 ERA.

Arthur is the reason why baseball players are no longer allowed to wear pretty earrings. During a 2001 game against the insufferable Cleveland Indians, Arthur was ordered to remove his diamond stud earrings at the request of sissypants #1 Omar Vizquel, who complained to umpire Tim McClellan that the earrings were hurting his eyes and he couldn't see the ball. The earrings were ejected, followed by Arthur. "Distracting jewelry" was banned a short time after. It is noted that in 32 Plate Appearances against Arthur, Omar has a .111 BA (3 hits). Hmmmm.

Bling Bling follows in the footsteps of other dinosaur Reds relievers salvaged from the scrapheap (David Weathers, Mike Stanton, Kent Mercker, Rheal Cormier), although he does have one glaring difference. He looks meaner than shit.

STAT WATCH: If Bling Bling can pitch like he's pitched for the past seven years and doesn't have a heart attack, he will make a positive contribution to the club in 2009. Let's shoot for a 3.50 ERA Arthur.