Ranks: NL Central Third Basemen

1. Aramis Ramirez, 31--CHI

2. Troy Glaus, 32--STL

3. Edwin Encarnacion, 26--CIN

4. Bill Hall, 29--MIL

5. Insert HOU third basemen here

6. Insert PIT third basemen here

Aramis Ramirez and his pet rooster take the cake slice here. Ramirez hasn't finished with an OPS+ less than 126 in his last five seasons. Aramis was a 2003 gift from the Pirates, who gave him to the Cubs for Jose Hernandez, Bobby Hill and Matt Brubeck. In most cases, three players are better than one--in this case, not at all. Then again, that's why Pittsburgh is Pittsburgh. They trade away young talent to "go even younger," an interesting concept. Troy Glaus is next, and even though he's only played three full seasons in the past six years, the man puts up numbers and isn't too much of a liability in the field. While his career batting average in 11 seasons is only .256, he owns a .360 OBP, .498 SLG and an OPS+ of 121, which is freaking great. In two years, however, Troy will be DHing in the AL.

Which brings us to Edwin, a 26-year-old who seems to gain more of an understanding every year, but who has yet to put it all together and produce a great year. He's finished above the league average in OPS+ the last three seasons (106, 101, 108) as a 23, 24 and 25-year-old. Fans have never given Edwin their hearts because they do not trust his defense, which can be, to say the least, at times, poop. And because of this poop factor, fans have grown tired with every out Edwin makes at the bat (see this baffling blog article in CityBeat entitled The Reds are Weird and it's EE's fault. WARNING: Hipsters don't do sports).

You never know what you're going to get with Bill Hall, unless of course he's playing the Reds. In 308 plate appearances, Bill has a .988 OPS against us. Against everyone else, he is human. And then there are a cluster of aging third basemen (Blum, Boone, Vazquez) who, frankly, I don't feel like writing about in any way.

All in all, just remember, no matter how frustrated you get with Edwin, the Reds have it pretty good at third base.

Ranks: NL Central First Basemen

1. The Destroyer of All Things Spherical, 29--STL
2. Lance Berkman, 33--HOU
3. Prince Fielder, 25--MIL
4. Joey Votto, 25--CIN
5. Derrek Lee, 33--CHI
6. Adam LaRoche, 29--PIT

If you're a Reds fan, this list is rather depressing. The NL Central has a stranglehold on the rest of baseball with first base talent. Joey Votto really gets shafted here, and I was generous not to put Derrek Lee ahead of him as many others would.

There is no easier rank in baseball than placing Albert Pujols 1st on this list. Abolutely terrifying is the fact that Albert is coming off his best season (.357/.462/.653). He eats Lance Berkman's for breakfast, and Lance Berkman is amazing, a steady lock in the two spot. Did you know that Lance stole 18 bases last year and was only caught 4 times? That's 14 true stolen bases for someone with the nicknames Big Puma and Fat Elvis. Brandon Phillips only had 13 true stolen bases last year. Ouchies! If Lance can do it, so can you Joey Votto, Edwin Encarnacion and Alex Gonzalez.

Prince Fielder is 3rd, even though Joey's rookie numbers matched Prince's last year. They are the same age, but Prince has a 50 HR season under his double-sized belt. Derrek Lee, 5th on this list, was one of the more underrated players in the game until he went nuts in 2005 (.335/.418/.662). While he hasn't matched that production since, he is getting more recognition now, as his numbers begin to sag. Even Adam LaRoche, the last man on the list, has a career 114 OPS+. Damn Gina!

Joey Votto is not a defensive rock like Pujols or Lee, but he will get great practice as long as Edwin mans the hot corner. Joey might only be the 4th best first basemen in the NL Central, but he's probably 6th-8th in the NL right now--and he's just getting started. Joey will never put up Albert numbers and it would be unfair to expect Berkman numbers, but we can expect him to outperform Fielder and Lee this year. After all, he is our big bat.

Scouting Report: Joey "I Challenge You to Say Something Bad About Me" Votto

Offense:
The following sentence shouldn't be a surprising. Within three years, Joey Votto will be considered one of the best hitters in the National League. Votto finished second in 2008 ROY voting behind Geovany Soto of the Cubs. He batted .297/.368/.506 in 526 ABs and had a season eerily similar to 24-year-old Todd Helton, who also finished second in ROY voting, behind Kerry Wood of those damned Cubs. There really isn't anything bad to say about Joey, who often wonders how your mother is doing. Joey has a presence in the batter's box. He looks like a hitter. Even when he strikes out, damn, it looks so sugar sweet. He hit 3 home runs in one game off three different Cubs pitchers, which begs the question why he didn't do that home run thing more often last year.

Defense:
Joey, who is never sure if you're talking to him, had some minor issues with the glove in 2008 but owns a career .992 fielding percentage, which is the NL average for first basemen. And considering Joey was fielding throws from Edwin, Kepp and Jerry Jr. all year, the number is even more remarkable.

Overall:
Joey, who always leaves early because he has a thing, is and will be the Red meat for many years to come, or until he's eligible for free agency in five years. That still gives him ample time to grow into a perennial All-Star, but for that to happen, Albert Pujols and Lance Berkman will first have to die off. Oh, and Prince Fielder too (and that's just the NL Central). Joey is part of a cluster of Canadians in the bigs, along with Jason Bay and Justin Morneau, who he should grow to resemble in numbers and demeanor, which is really, really exciting.

STAT WATCH: It's up to the other Reds if they win or not this year because Joey is going to put up very good numbers. He will lead the team in HRs, RBIs, meatball eating, OBP, SLG, and maybe even BA. This is not so much a prediction as it is a guarantee, unless Jay or Edwin busts through the ceiling, which I would be completely for also.

Scouting Report: Edwin Encarnacion

Offense:
Edwin is an enigma. For a string of weeks, the baseball will appear the size of a watermelon to Edwin and he will scatter its seeds all over the field. Other weeks, the baseball will appear the size of a watermelon seed. Sometimes, when Edwin is really lost and swinging before the pitcher has let go of the ball, he is sent down to Triple AAA and the ball becomes the size of a watermelon again. He returns to the majors and proceeds to hit watermelons for some time until the next drought. Realistically, Edwin should probably think about switching to seedless watermelons, thus avoiding any confusion.

Defense:

Edwin is an enigma. He will botch the most routine ground ball, then on the following play, he will display jungle cat reflexes to pick a scorcher down the left field line. He will gun down Juan Pierre by a half-step from his butt and airmail Joey Votto with the pitcher half-trotting to first. His favorite pastime is grimacing. Edwin has one of the lowest career fielding percentages (.935) among active NL third basemen, although the difference between a Gold Glove and being the worst defensive third basement in the league is about 3 muffs per 100 attempts. Tis a cruel game!

Overall:
Edwin is an enigma. Some Reds fans have grown tired of his inconsistency and are done waiting for Edwin to hit watermelons daily. Others value his youth--he is only eight months older than Joey Votto. Edwin has the potential to be in the top tier of third basemen in the National League, but he also has the potential to become a 34-year-old reserve second baseman for the Kansas City Royals, if that frachise is still around in eight years. Right now, Edwin is in the top half of third basemen in the NL. Really, he is. Check out The Best Hitters in the NL Central post below this.

STAT WATCH: It's now or never for Edwin. He's played the equivalent of three full seasons. He should be figuring this thing out by now. We need big things from Edwin this year. He needs to be a reliable right-handed bat in a lineup of lefties. He needs to hit .290/.350/.480.

Scouting Report: Jeff Keppinger

Offense:

No matter how hard you try, you will probably not strikeout Jeff Keppinger, who led the National League with 19.1 ABs/SO. That is certainly tidy. Just ask Adam Dunn, sloppy bastard, who averaged 3.15 ABs/SO. There is no secret to what Jeff does. He simply puts the bat on the ball. He is a prototypical 2-hitter. He is so, so good at advancing runners and hitting the ball where it's pitched. He has the special talent of picking a spot in the infield and hitting the ball there. That is harder than it looks. He had a tremendous 2007 in part-time action (123 OPS+), but then took a major dunk in his pants in 2008 (70 OPS+).

Defense:

Ignoring Jeff's resemblance to Elmer Fudd in body type and height of hat, he surpassed expectations as a shortstop even though he is not fluid or graceful, doesn't have a strong arm, and is white. Simply put, Jeff is fundamental, which I believe is still considered a compliment.

Overall:

Wherever Jeff goes, a starting infielder has a horrific injury and Jeff steps in. Did you hear that Edwin?--You could be next. After Jeff stamped his major league ticket in 2007 with a team saving performance, he got a taste of his own, fracturing his patella 147 ABs into 2008. Up until then, he was batting .320/.365/.442, similar to his excellent 2007 line. In the 311 ABs after his return, however, he hit .238/.281/.299 - a brutal first-hand account of what happens when, God forbid, you fracture a patella. Jeff is fully rehealed from his injury, but then again, so is Alex Gonzalez, who apparently is real. In order to get some ABs this year, Jeff might have to learn how to play left field, or wait for Edwin to "fall" down the dugout steps.

STAT WATCH: If Keppinger is healthy and in the line-up, he will hit, I think. Most other Reds fans think so too, they think. Most would give Jeff the starting job to lose at shortstop, but unfortunately, Alex Gonzalez, who I hear does actually exist in our world, will be handed the job without question. This is sad for Jeff, but if Gonzalez has forgotten how to play the game, this is good for Jeff. Bat over .300 Jeff.

The Best Hitters in the NL Central

One of the best ways to measure a hitter is adjusted OPS, or OPS+. If you already know what OPS+ is, I am sorry, bear with me. If not, you should pay attention. While standard OPS is simply on-base percentage plus slugging percentage (OBP + SLG), adjusted OPS is a complicated formula that takes into consideration ballpark factor (sorry Vinny Castilla) and league averages for OBP and SLG in that players league. The resulting number is the rate above the league average expressed as a percentage. All you really need to know is 100 always represents the league average. The higher above 100, the better. The farther under 100, the worse. For example, let's take Albert Pujols in 2008 when he finished with an astronomical 190 OPS+. Albert was damn near close to being twice as productive as the average major league hitter. The only player with a career OPS+ over 200 is Babe Ruth (207). Albert is tied for seventh in career OPS+ (170).

Here are the highest OPS+ seasons for the NL Central in 2007 and 2008 including everyone over 100 with at least a 400 AB season (sorry Jerry Hairston Jr.).

	2008				2007
1	A. Pujols	190		1	A. Pujols	157
2	L. Berkman	159		2	P. Fielder	156
3	R. Ludwick	150		3	R. Braun	153
4	C. Lee	144		4	A. Dunn	136
5	T. Glaus	131		T5	L. Berkman	131
6	A. Dunn	129		T5	D. Lee	131
T7	A. Ramirez	128		7	H. Pence	130
T7	P. Fielder	128		8	A. Ramirez	129
T7	R. Braun	128		T9	C. Hart	126
T7	R. Doumit	128		T9	C. Lee	126
11	N. McLouth	126		11	A. Soriano	123
12	J. Votto	124		12	K. Griffey Jr	119
13	A. LaRoche	123		T13	R. Weeks	108
14	A. Soriano	121		T13	A. LaRoche	108
15	G. Soto	120		15	X. Nady	107
16	R. Ankiel	119		T16	B. Phillips	105
17	M. DeRosa	118		T16	J. Wilson	105
18	J. Hardy	113		18	F. Sanchez	103
T19	M. Cameron	110		19	M. DeRosa	102
T19	D. Lee	110		20	E. Encarnac…	101
T21	E. Encarnac…	106		21	G. Jenkins	101
T21	K. Matsui	106		22	J. Hardy	100
23	H. Pence	105
24	S. Schumach..	102
25	K. Griffey Jr.	101

Some things that come to mind...

• Albert Pujols is a destroyer of all things spherical.
• Is Ryan Ludwick really that good?
• Adam Dunn was one of the Top 5 most productive hitters in the NL Central.
• Joey Votto had a very good rookie year and should only get better.
• Brandon Phillips finished with a rather low OPS+ for his breakthrough year, lower than Rickie Weeks and tied with Jack Wilson, who resembles Nosferatu.
• Well I'll be a monkey's ass, is that Edwin Encarnacion on there, twice? Are we treating poor Edwin unfairly?
• He might have been aging and crippled, but Junior was still an above average producer at the plate in his waning Reds years.
• Why is Derrek Lee's name auburn-colored? I hate formatting text.

And just for fun, the highest career OPS+ players active...
1. Barry Bonds (182)
2. Albert Pujols (170)
3. Frank Thomas (156)
4. Manny Ramirez (155)
5. Lance Berkman (148)
5. Jim Thome (148)
7. Vladimir Guerrero (147)
7. Alex Rodriguez (147)
9. Jason Giambi (146)
10. Chipper Jones (145)

Scouting Report: Little Norris Hopper

Offense
Little Norris was sidelined most of 2008 and eventually bowed out for reconstructive elbow surgery. This was unfortunate for Little Norris, who made his mark in 2007 batting .329 in 307 AB. Almost 40% of his hits never reached that vast expanse of green that is the outfield (20 bunts and 17 infield hits), but as far as swinging and making terrible contact to the point where the ball ricochets off the extreme bottom or nub of the bat then squirts down the foul line and rolls to a stop in no man's land between home, third and the mound, Norris was an assassin. What we love about Little Norris is that he carries himself with a dignified aire that says, "I meant to do that." No one will ever know but Norry.

Defense
Because Little Norris is so tiny, three Norry steps is the equivalent of one Jay Bruce step. Even with this handicap, Little Norris zips around the outfield with relative ease, covering good ground. He is not an alley-stalker or wall-climber, but he will attempt to "go get it"--that is, when he is not collecting nuts and storing food for the winter.

Overall
Little Norris is a valuable bench player. He brings good speed, can fill in at all three outfield positions and has solid sacrificing ability. He is the only Reds player who can properly execute what is known as a bunt. When Norris performed this trick for the first time, all the Reds rose to the top of the dugout. "What the hell just happened," cried Edwin Encarnacion. "Will Norris be okay?"

STAT WATCH: We won't ask Little Norris for much in 2009, mostly because we shouldn't have to, but when June rolls around and Willy Taveras is batting .230, we might begin to see more of him, although that decision would be too easy, right Dusty?