Red Scare readers have spoken. If George Grande were to do promotional work as a side, he would most likely sponsor a fictional invention known as the Ass-Kisser 4000, which not only kisses ass and kisses ass hard, but also cleans as it works, a non-feature of the three previous models.
According to the poll, if not the Ass-Kisser 4000, then Grande would be featuring another analcentric product--rectal exams. To be clear, Grande would not take direct part in the exam (that would be Chris Welsh--they don't call him the crafty left-hander for nothing).
If not for rectal exams, Grande would take Wolford Brimley's place as spokesman for diabetes, or as we have come to know, "Diabeetis." Watch The Price is Right and wait for a commercial break to understand this reference.
He plays guitar and sings in the Bronson Arroyo Band. They cover Goo Goo Dolls, Matchbox 20, Staind and Oasis. Check out his myspace, seriously. And here's the other one.
Oh, and I almost forgot, he plays baseball.
In 2008, Bronson's 4.77 ERA was his highest ever for a full season (this would be considered a fantastic year for Matt Belisle). Even so, he still finished with a 15-11 record (his highest Win total with the Reds), which goes to show you that Wins and Losses are, for the most part, irrelevant. Now, I'm not a big proponent of making excuses or saying, "If you take out a few bad games here or there, he would have had a better year." Well, in Bronson's case, he would really love to have appoximately 6 innings erased from the 2008 season.
Date
IP
H
ER
Locker Room Tears
April 23, HOU
3.2
10
8
573
May 4, @ATL
1.1
7
7
887
Jun 24, @TOR
1
11
10
9,999
TOTAL
6
28
25
11,459
These are some severe outings, folks. That looks like the box score to a Sega RBI Baseball game. Jesus Christ Dusty, don't you know when it's time to pull the frickin cord (I don't know, maybe after 6 hits, 5 runs and 1 out). It wouldn't surprise me if Bronson's evil twin brother, Braxton, tied him up and took the mound. That blasted Braxton! If Bronson would have stopped him, thus preventing an additional 25 Earned Runs in 6 bloody innings, he would have finished with a respectable 3.76 ERA on the season (in your dreams Matt Belisle).
STAT WATCH: Bronson, since becoming a full-time starter in 2004, you've sported a 4.14 ERA. For the Reds to be successful, you need to at least keep it below 4.00 bro. Remember when you were an All-Star in 2006 and had a 3.29 ERA? Do that again.
Red Scare readers have spoken. If George Grande were to do promotional work as a side, he would most likely sponsor a fictional invention known as the Ass-Kisser 4000, which not only kisses ass and kisses ass hard, but also cleans as it works, a non-feature of the three previous models.
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