Series 4 Recap: It's Lord Votto to you, peasant

Series
Reds 2, Cubs 1 (okay, seriously, what the hell is going on?)

Overall
Reds 9-6
Cubs 8-6

Rundown
4/21--Cubs 7, Reds 2
4/22--Reds 3, Cubs 0
4/23--Reds 7, Cubs 1

The End of This Novel
"So do you wanna go out tomorrow night?" she asked nervously.
"Not tomorrow," he said. "I gotta baseball game."
"What about the next night?"
"Game," he said. "Look, I've just got thing baseball thing going on. Ask me in November."
"Oh, okay," she said, eyes misty.
Votto opened the car door and walked out of the drive-in theater. He continued out to the road and stuck up his thumb. Time to go home, he thought.

Fortune Cookie
The cat and the Bartman; a sign of good things to come.

Completely Unrelated Baseball Quote of the Series
"This is a game to be savored, not gulped. There's time to discuss everything between pitches or between innings." ~Bill Veeck

Reds.comment of the Series
"Big deal you bunch of weak hitting nancies. Two games don't make a season. Dusty Baker's an idiot and he will ruin your team. Come June you'll be in last place. hahahahahahaha."

New Drinking Game
Every time Joey Votto seems to prematurely pull his foot off the bag before the out is made.

What I Saw, Heard, Felt, Smelled, Tasted
Cubs for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Fun to hear Chicago fans booing their own, all because of us! Joey Votto means everything to this city right now. I'm glad we beat Carlos Zambrano. If there is one man I hate in baseball, it is Carlos Zambrano. All those slumpers seem to be waking up (Bruce, Phillips, Hernandez, Gonzalez). Edwin is still sleeping.

Metaphorical Image of the Series

SERIES 4 RECAP!!!

Series

Reds 3, Astros 1 (I drink your milkshake!)

Overall

Reds 7-5

Astros 4-9 (sad trombone)

Rundown

4/17--Reds 2, Astros 1

4/18--Astros 7, Reds 0

4/19--Reds 4, Astros 2

4/20--Reds 4, Astros 3

The end of this novel

How ironic it all seemed. The offense had gone. The fundamentals had gone. The pitching, erratic and unpredictable. Of course he didn't tag Pence. It wasn't even close! All these things, and they were still winning! Twas baseball but an irony, Phillips thought, icing his knees and dreaming of making solid contact with a breaking ball.

Fortune Cookie

Walk thy opposing pitcher and shun thee. Walk an Owings and bow down.

Completely Unrelated Baseball Quote of the Series

"England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example." ~Robert Benchley

Reds.comment of the Series

"Dusty Baker couldn't manage a T-ball team. And who the heck said Gonzalaz is a major league player? My 12 year old hits better than he does. Traveras looks just like Patterson of last year. At least come June we won't be fighting the pirates for last place we will have it all alone."

New Drinking Game

This one is will get you spinning quick. Every time Phillips checks his swing.

What I saw, heard, tasted, felt, smelled

Minute Maid Park is a combination of a little league field and Wonkaland. In the first three games of the series, we were unable to score a run off a Houston starting pitcher. Somehow, we won 2 of those games. I think every Reds starting pitcher for the exception of Harang made strides this series (and although Harang got touched up a bit, it was nice to see him lose his shit in the dugout and go nuts on the Gatorade cooler and the bat rack). For as terrible as we are hitting, to be 7-5 is a rather remarkable achievement.

Metaphorical Image of the Series

SERIES 3 RECAP!!!

Series
Reds 2-1 (woot, woot)

Overall
Reds 4-4
Brewers 3-6

Rundown
4/13--Reds 7, Brewers 6
4/14--Reds 3, Brewers 1
4/15--Brewers 9, Reds 3 (Brewers cheated)

The end of this novel...
Cameron bent down and grabbed Burton by the collar and pulled him close. "I'll be taking that broomstick," he said, and laughed then flew away. If the series has been won, Burton thought, why do things not seem right? He would have to sleep on it.

Fortune Cookie
The first step to better times is to not give up 4 runs in 1 inning.

Completely Unrelated Baseball Quote of the Series
"Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona." ~George F. Will

New Drinking Game
When Thom Brennaman mentions a GCL school. Take two for St. Xavier.

What I saw, heard, felt, smelled, tasted?
Miller Park is one of my least favorite parks in history. I can't really explain it. I just see baseball being played there and I feel sorry for everyone involved. The Brewers jerseys too. Can't stand the colors; they make me feel sad for some reason. Milwaukee is just a sad place all around I suppose.

Metaphorical Image of the Series

SERIES 2 RECAP!!!

Series
Reds 1-Pirates 1

Overall
Reds 2-3
Pirates 3-3

Rundown
4/10--PPD
4/11--Pirates 10, Reds 2 (excuse me while I use the restroom)
4/12--Reds 2, Pirates 0 (thank God)

The end of this novel...
And almost as soon as they had arrived, the Pirates sailed. No one wanted them to leave, but the tides were still low. The booty had been salvaged and the Reds felt good about it. They hadn't felt this good in a long time. Things were going to change. That's what Aaron said with his look.

Reds.com fan post of the series
I agree our offense is terrible. Saying it's not won't make it better.I would like to know who tells these guys to take two fastballs over the plate and then be forced to swing at garbage in the dirt. I thought they were being paid to swing the bat not to take pitches. If that is the way it is then we might as well have kept Dunn.

Fortune Cookie
To move a runner is to move thy soul.

Completely Unrelated Baseball Quote of the Series
"The designated hitter rule is like letting someone else take Wilt Chamberlain's free throws." ~Rick Wise

New Drinking Game
When Chris Welsh predicts a Willy Taveras steal.

What I saw, heard, felt, smelled, tasted
Is there anything dumber than a two-game series? Why didn't they play a doubleheader after the Friday night rainout? Harang is ready to lead. Taveras is ready to run. Dickerson is ready to play everyday (won't happen). Alex Gonzalez and Ramon Hernandez are ready to become platoon players.

Metaphorical Image of the Series

SERIES 1 RECAP!!!

Series

Mets 2-1

Overall

Reds 1-2

Mets 2-1

Rundown

4/6--Mets 2, Reds 1 (the Mets cheated)

4/8--Mets 9, Reds 7 (the Mets cheated)

4/9--Reds 8, Mets 6 (kicked their ass)

If this series were a novel, the last sentence would read...

And so they began their quest, cold and damp and stained, on the back of the one called Joseph Daniel Votto.

Reds.com fan post of the series (tie)

I never doubted the reds one bit. I always say they are going to win. I called the Bronson win earlier. I knew that we would not get swept. Like I said before trading Jeff Kep was stupid. He could hit, better than most on the team, and his defense was phanominal. Just believe fans. hopefully queto can bring us a win. THE REDS WON!!!!!!!!!!!! Go Votto.

The bullpen didnt blow it the shortstop did he made one great play and then missed one right to him should have been a double play take 3 away 7 to 6 reds win.

The Cast

Arthur Rhodes as Your Daddy

Joey Votto as The Rake

Jay Bruce as Uncredited Guy who falls down for no reason

Willy Taveras as Flu Bug Johnson

Jerry Hairston Jr. as...no wait, I'm sorry, Jerry won't be here today

Darnell McDonald as The Castaway

Alex Gonzalez as Erin Errorickson of Overratown

Fortune Cookie

If one grooves the first pitch, take not.

Completely Unrelated Baseball Quote of the Series
"I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it." ~Rogers Hornsby

New Drinking Game

When Chris Welsh says, "Check up from the neck up."

What I saw, heard, felt, smelled, tasted

Votto ballin' out of control. Bruce looking like a kid...oh wait. Willy Taveras as advertised. Edwin patient at the plate, and even Brandon too, kinda. Arthur Rhodes toying with batters. Coco zipping up the mouths of all those Spring Training haters (almost everyone but me). Defensive abandonment, notably for Edinson, who looked terrifyingly average.

Metaphorical Image of the Series