Reds.comments: Bless Their Hearts

EDITOR'S NOTE

This will be a reoccurring segment on The Red Scare where we analyze certain fan comments posted under news articles and press releases from Reds.com, the official propaganda machine of the Cincinnati Reds.

On signing an outfielder

"Why Griffey Jr.? Did you see him play the past 8/9 years? He can't catch up to a 92 mph heater anymore. Walt has done an excellent job in the offseason acquiring players that make financial and team chemistry sense. Speed, defense, and pitching win games this days. Hernandez, Taveras, and Gomes were big acquistions this offseason. Remember when the Reds gave Cantu a chance two years ago? Can't wait for the season to start. GO REDS!!!!!!"

We won't go into the unfortunate injuries that have plagued Junior and how that has affected his play. But for the right price (which will not be that much) I wouldn't mind Junior off the bench. According to you, Walt has done "an excellent job" this offseason and "Hernandez, Taveras and Gomes were big acquisitions." Wow, you're easily impressed. You see, I would consider players like Bobby Abreu, Mark Teixiera and Milton Bradley as "big acquisitions." Keep drinking the water.

On the starting left fielder

"You have to start hairston, anyone can come up and hit 300 6 hrs and 15 rbi in the last 31 games of the season when no one is trying and a bunch of triple and double A cats are pitching. Hairston is faster than dickerson, will hit for a better avg, steal more bases and just be more of an asset to the team out in left. dont get me wrong i like dickerson but i think he has to prove himself in spring training to even be considered for the job."

I agree that Dickerson needs to prove himself, but give the guy some credit for putting up those numbers at the end of last year. You need to take your love affair with Jerry Hairston Jr. down a notch. He's a career .260/.330/.370 hitter who had a career year in his 11th season. Jerry is also linked to steroids in the Mitchell Report, but no one seems to give a crap because he's Jerry Hairston Jr. Give the young guy a chance to prove himself, not in Spring Training, but for the first month or two of the season. I think the idea of judging players by how they perform in Spring Training is silly. There are some fringe players that have incredible Spring Trainings and still don't make the squad and other players who make the squad after horrendous springs, which tells us that a majority of the roster spots are predetermined and involve money, not talent.

On not making any sense

"cincinasty got it right look at patterson last yr a baker buddy.last year had a lot to do with baker not the players when it comes to losing"

what?

Ranks: NL Central Catchers

1. Geovany Soto, 26--CHI
2. Yadier Molina, 26--STL
3. Ryan Doumit, 28--PIT
4. Ramon Hernandez, 33--CIN
5. Jason Kendall, 35--MIL
6. Humberto Quintero, 29--HOU

As much as I hate to admit it, the Reds are slightly better with Ramon Hernandez than the Three-Headed Suck Monster, but that doesn't mean Ramon should earn $8 million this year. Judging by his numbers, he was only about a $500,000 upgrade. And even if you were a fan of the pick-up, he is only the 4th best catcher in the NL. Geovany Soto is coming off a 2008 ROY campaign where he hit .285/.364/.504 and established himself as a solid defense catcher. Yadier Molina won his first of many gold gloves (career 47.8% caught stealing) and has improved offensively each of the last three seasons. Ryan Doumit, in his first full year, batted .318/.357/.501 and finished with a 128 OPS+, tied for 7th in the Central with Ryan Braun, Prince Fielder and Aramis Ramirez. If he puts up similar numbers this year, I'll consider moving him ahead of Molina (I swear to God I'll do it).

So there you go. Ramon Hernandez is 4th, at best. And that's just in his division. He's coming off his worst year throwing out runners (19.5%) and he ain't gettin' much younger. From 2003-2006, Ramon put together a string of above average offensive years, made more valuable considering his position. But now, after two years of subpar numbers and growing wrinkles under his eyes, it's time for Ramon to prove himself to a new city. Sure, he's better than Jason Kendall, who still brings the huss and leadership bless his heart, and he outranks Humberto Quintero, who will probably never be mentioned in this blog ever again unless the sentence reads, "Edinson Volquez struck out Humberto Quintero four times last night," but the Reds are going to need at least an average offensive year from Ramon if they want to compete in the division.

Where Does the Money Go?

At the end of MLB fiscal year 2008, the Reds ranked 18th in payroll just above $74 million, fifth among NL Central teams. Here is how they spent the money (numbers rounded).

Adam Dunn--$13 mil
Francisco Cordero--$8.6 mil
Ken Griffey Jr.--$8.3 mil
Aaron Harang--$6.75 mil
Alex Gonzalez--$4.6 mil
Bronson Arroyo--$4.6 mil
David Weathers--$3.3 mil
Mike Stanton--$3 mil
Ryan Freel--$3 mil
Jeremy Affeldt--$3 mil
Brandon Phillips--$2.94 mil
David Ross--$2.53 mil
Scott Hatteberg--$1.85 mil
Josh Fogg--$1.5 mil
Javier Valentin--$1.35 mil
Matt Belisle--$1.25 mil
Juan Castro--$975 thou
Todd Coffee--$907 thou
Mike Lincoln--$550 thou
Edwin Encarnacion--$450 thou
Norris Hopper--$402 thou
Jeff Keppinger--$402 thou
Jared Burton--$395 thou
Edinson Volquez--$392 thou
Bobby Livingston--$392 thou

and those poor league minimum bastards...
Joey Votto--$390 thou
Johnny Cueto--$390 thou
Jay Bruce--$390 thou

Things to notice...

• Who the hell is responsible for giving Matt Belisle over a million dollars.
• The Reds slashed 55% of their 2008 payroll. About 20% of that will go to Ramon "the most overpaid catcher in baseball" Hernandez in 2009.
• Bobby Livingston, who spent all of 2008 in AAA, made more than Joey Votto, Johnny Cueto and Jay Bruce, and the same as Edinson Volquez.
• Assuming the baby Reds (Edinson, Johnny, Jay, Joey) all grow up to be fantastic, the Reds are going to have a hell of a payday in 2011 when all are eligible for arbitration, and then in 2014 when all are eligible for free agency. If the Reds haven't flirted with the postseason by then, it will be fun to witness the dismantling of a team!
• Matt Belisle is a millionaire. Shit.
• Alex Gonzalez is kkkkkkiiiiiiiillllliiiiiinnnnggggg us.
• Edwin is in arbitration right now and should become a millionaire in the near future, barring the Reds trick him into playing for free, which sadly might happen.
• If you don't understand arbitration, MLB service time, free agency, Super Two players and why Jay Bruce wasn't called up sooner, you MUST read this article.

R.I.P. Three-Headed Suck Monster

The Three-Headed Suck Monster, individually known as catchers David Ross, Paul Bako and Javier Valentin, brought a unique brand of suckery to the Reds. Because all three players were terrified of losing their job to the others, they made a pact; when given the opportunity to play, they would individually suck as much as possible, thereby giving the others a chance to play in the future. This created what is known in baseball as a suck cycle.

2008 Comprehensive Stat Line for the Three-Headed Suck Monster
562 ABs, .231 BA, 13 HRs, 66 RBIs, 153 SOs

Referring to Paul Bako as a hitter devalues the word. As a career .231/.305/.371 bat holder in 11 seasons with 10 teams, Paul, the middle head, has certainly redefined suck. He averages a home run every 99 ABs. To put that in perspective, Bronson Arroyo averages a home run every 67 ABs. Carlos Zambrano hits in circles around Paul. Even if Paul found his bat in old age, we would not be able to say he found his fountain of youth, because even in his youth, Paul was just awful. Defensively, Paul's thrown out 31% of base stealers in his career, which is slightly above average--so he's got that going for him.

David Ross, the head farthest left if facing the monster, was on track to become the Reds permanent catcher after a 2006 season that saw him hit .255/.353/.579 with 21 HRs and 52 RBIs in 247 ABs. David ironically followed this Dunn-like performance with a Bako-like 2007 in which he bat held .203/.271/.399 in 311 ABs. This lousy season made it easier for Bako and Javier Valentin to convince David he would be safer taking part in the 2008 suck cycle. David was potentially the most valuable of the Three-Headed Suck Monster in that he doubled as Bronson Arroyo's "personal catcher," which is apparently what they are calling it these days. David packed Bronson's lunches and spooned him in the locker room and told him everything was going to be okay after those starts in which Braxton Arroyo pitched in Bronson's place. Defensively, David's thrown out 38% of base stealers in his career, which is above average--so he's got that going for him.

Javier Valentin, the only Latin head of the monster, was a fan-favorite in Cincinnati because of his dirty moustache, barrel chest and lovable grin. As a career .251/.310/.402 hitter, Javier was regarded as the Reds pinch hit extraordinaire, a big bat on the bench that could tie the game with one swing of the bat. When Javier entered the game in clutch situations the stadium would swell with energy as he made his way to the plate. In 63 pinch hit ABs in 2008, Javier batted .174 with 1 HR...........but that one home run was really awesome! Defensively, it was amazing that the Reds let Javier start 17 games behind the plate last year. It was also amazing that only one person attempted to steal on Javier in those 17 games. This is amazing because in 2007, Javier threw out 11% of base stealers (5 out of 45), making Javier the only Latin catcher in the history of baseball who is not good at defense.

STAT WATCH: David Ross was reborn with the Atlanta Braves. Paul Bako was reborn with the Chicago Cubs. Javier Valentin is still unsigned in purgatory. Let's track the collective numbers of the former Three-Headed Suck Monster in 2009 and see if it outperforms newly-acquired 2003 All-Star Ramon Hernandez. This might be a surprisingly close race.

Yankees ink Sabathia, Burnett, Teixiera; Reds nab Willy Tavares, Ramon Hernandez

In a stunning display of fortitude and strength, the Reds countered the Yankees signing barrage (C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, M.C. Teixiera) with a chess manuever of their own, signing CF Willy Taveras (career .283 BA/.331 OBP). Willy will have the undaunting task of replacing Corey Patterson, whose swing used only one arm.

If you are expecting power from Taveras, you will be slightly disappointed. He is the proud owner of 7 Home Runs and 109 RBIs.....In five f#%$# seasons. Oh, and he played at Coors Field in Colorado, and Enron Field in Houston, where Home Runs are the result of broken bats sawed off at the handle. Bronson Arroyo has a better Home Run average than Willy. Of course, he must make up for it with doubles and triples, right? In 1,973 career ABs, Willy has 60 doubles and 13 triples. Jose Reyes just about did that last season. Willy's slugging percentage last year was a ripe .296--1% higher than Bronson Arroyo.

So why is Willy in the league you ask. Well, it's because he can outrun a demotion to the farm. He led the NL with 68 steals last year, caught only seven times! Good God, that's fast, and even more jaw-dropping considering he was on base about 70 times. This is a classic Cincinnati gamble. The Reds are hoping Willy can repeat his incomplete 2007 campaign with Colorado (372 ABs, .320 BA, .367 OBP, .382 SLG) and not so much his 2008 campaign (479 ABs, .251 BA, .308 OBP, an Arroyo-like .296 SLG, and a World Series benching). The Reds front office will do a complimentary job of making Willy sound like Ricky Henderson for the next four months. This is a given.

The Reds also caused tsumani-like waves around the league when they traded Ryan Freel and some prospies to the Orioles for All-Star Catcher Ramon Hernandez. That's right--2003 All-Star Catcher Ramon Hernandez. That year, Ramon destroyed American League pitchers and finished the season with a scorching .273 BA, .331 OBP and .458 SLG. If that was an All-Star year for Ramon, he should have made the All-Star team at least five other times.

What's that I hear? Why, it's them gamblin' dice. Last year, Ramon's line closed with a 32-year-old-catcher-like .257 BA, .308 OBP, .402 SLG. Oh, I forgot to mention that he's really good at defense! Apparently he calls a good game! Yeah, Ramon! For the next four months, Ramon will be touted as the next Benito Santiago. This is a given.

Willy and Ramon, welcome. We apologize in advance, but hey, you're just glad to have a job.