25-Man Roster Prediction

Players in bold are my blanket picks.

Starters

Aaron Harang
Edinson Volquez

Bronson Arroyo

Johnny Cueto

x-Micah Owings

Relievers

Francisco Cordero

Jared Burton

Bill Bray

Mike Lincoln

Arthur Rhodes

David Weathers

Catchers

Ramon Hernandez

x-Ryan Hanigan

Infielders

Joey Votto

Brandon Phillips

Alex Gonzalez

Edwin Encarnacion

Jeff Keppinger

x-Darryl Ward

Outfielders

Jay Bruce

Willy Taveras

Chris Dickerson

Jerry Hairston Jr.

x-Little Norris Hopper

x-Jonny Gomes

Micah Owings gets the nod above all the other 5th starter candidates, including Homer Bailey, for three reasons:

1. He has ample big league experience regardless of how craptastic his line is.

2. He is one of the best hitting pitchers in baseball, a la Zambrano, and will be used as a pinch hitter.

3. He is the only one of the three D-Backs that came over in the Dunn trade who has a legit shot at making the team this year. The Reds want to prove they got something from the deal other than cap space.

Ryan Hanigan, who has zero power, will be our backup catcher simply because there is no one else and because he had a cup of coffee at the end of last year and managed not to embarrass himself. Maybe down the road Ryan can help usher in a newer model of the Three-Headed Suck Monster.

This is where things get a little sticky. Because Jerry Hairston Jr. can platoon in the infield as well as the outfield, he and Jeff Keppinger will be the reserve infielders, both able to play third, short and second. Darryl Ward will take the final infield spot to backup Joey Votto at first and also provide a power bat and veteran pinch hitting option off the bench.

This leaves two reserve outfield spots for about ten players. Little Norris Hopper needs to be one of these players, as a backup to Taveras in center and a sacrificial lamb with speed off the bench. The other needs to have a big bat and must be willing to charge the mound when things get testy. Enter Jonny Gomes.

Spring Training is Here (Take Your Shirt Off and Wave it Around Your Head Like a Helicopter edition)

1. After a 7-0 hosing of the AL Champion Tampa Bay Rays, I was highly entertained reading the Reds message boards on Reds.com and Cincinnati.com. After nine innings of Spring Training baseball, all those preseason predictions were reaffirmed. In short, we're going to the World Series!!!

One of my favorites from Reds.com...
"I was encouraged over one key stat on offense too. Only 5 strikeouts!!!!!!!!!!!! Again, I know this is only one game, but we have players who can make contact now, instead of swinging for the fences and missing most of the time! I hope too that this new trend continues! I'm looking forward to this year's ball club! I think we will be a lot of fun and will even surprise some Reds fans!"

Nine innings of a Spring Training game, and what do you know, SMALL BALL has arrived. And considering that 6 of our 7 runs came on homers, it's fairly clear this guy has a red Kool-aid mustache and no baseball friends. If the Reds would have lost today and struck out 13 times, the quote would have gone...
"It's okay that we struck out a lot today. It's only the first game of Spring Training. Everyone is going to be a little rusty. Oh, and also, if anybody on the message board wants to meet for lunch at LaRosa's tomorrow, call me 1-800-IMAKEPOOROBSERVATIONS."

2. You will not find recycled game recaps from Spring Training on The Red Scare. You will also not find microanalyzation of Spring Training box scores either as to the tune of the following example...

"Holy Smokes, Homer Bailey sure threw well today, retiring the side in the seventh. Insert speculative sentence that starts with, "I know this was only one game but..." Insert speculative sentence about how the Reds might use Homer out of the bullpen to start the season. Insert speculative sentence about how Homer has more to prove than anyone this spring. Insert speculative sentence questioning where Homer will start the year. Insert speculative sentence about you're own speculation. Finish paragraph with a sentence that ends, "...but that depends on what Dusty does."

I think that Spring Training speculation is tiresome and repititious. In short, I think roster spots are generally predetermined. If Homer Bailey throws 18 innings of shutout ball in Spring Training, I still don't care. If Brandon Phillips goes 0-56 in Spring Training, he will still start on Opening Day. If Laynce Nix goes 23-56 in Spring Training, he might not make the team.

3. Batting Brandon Phillips cleanup is quite possibly the most absurd thing I've ever heard, almost as baffling as when they batted Adam Dunn second. With a slew of left-handed power hitters over the last five years, the Reds have become obsessed with seperating the lefties and batting an alternate left-right-left-right order. Lineup construction these days is very similar to a children's game of follow the pattern. This is what the batting order should be, ignoring a million other scenarios-

1. Taveras
2. Dickerson/Hairston
3. Bruce
4. Votto
5. Phillips
6. Encarnacion
7. Gonzalez
8. Hernandez
9. Pitcher

My lineup puts three lefties in a row (Dickerson, Bruce, Votto), a mortal sin. But here's what makes it okay. Joey Votto is a .289 career hitter against lefties. He hits them almost as effectively as he hits righties. Votto is nearly a better hitter against his own side than the right-handed Brandon Phillips (career .294 BA against LHP). This makes the lefty-righty pattern obsolete. Brandon is not a cleanup hitter. Brandon is not a cleanup hitter. Brandon is not a cleanup hitter. This is clear. There is no justification. Brandon is not a cleanup hitter. If you think Brandon makes a good cleanup hitter, stop watching baseball.

Get Lost in the Taste of Crap Star Chili

Hello, God? Are you up there? Well, if so, it's me Jerome from The Red Scare. I know I don't talk to you as much as I should. I'll admit, it got a little weird after the communion thing in fourth grade. I was confused and needed to step away for a while. Anyway, I'm back now and I have one favor to ask. Can you please not let Gold Star Chili hold the Fox Sports Ohio marketing department hostage for the entire length of the 2009 season. I don't think I can get lost in the f***ing taste any longer. Last season, I got so lost in the taste, I became numb to the taste and considered taking a semi-automatic weapon into the chili chain to really, truly, get some people lost in the taste.

To make things clear, if I see the commercial below just one time between innings of a Reds game during 2009, bad things will happen.


This one also...

Mike Schmidt is a Level-Headed Son of a Gun

Copied below is a recent ESPN article in which Jason Stark interviews Hall of Fame Philly Mike Schmidt on the A-Roid saga. I like Mike Schmidt.

CLEARWATER, Fla. -- Mike Schmidt knows he isn't speaking for all living Hall of Fame players, but if Alex Rodriguez joins their club someday, Schmidt said he would welcome him to the fraternity.

"Would I welcome him? Yeah, I will -- if he got elected to the Hall of Fame," Schmidt said Wednesday after he checked into the Philadelphia Phillies' spring training camp as a special instructor.

Schmidt was elected to the Hall in 1995 with 96.5 percent of the vote, the third-highest percentage at the time -- behind Ty Cobb and Hank Aaron -- of any Hall of Fame position player. Asked why he wouldn't have qualms about accepting an admitted user of performance-enhancing drugs as a fellow Hall of Famer, Schmidt said he sees both sides of this issue.

"I'm a guy, I always seem to be walking right on top of, right down the middle of the fence," he said. "I can understand the old hard-line guys who use the words, 'He cheated, he cheated, he cheated.' And [I understand] the other guys that go, 'It was a culture thing back then, and if you played, you'd have been tempted, too.'"

In fact, when Schmidt was asked directly if he thought he'd have gotten caught up in trying performance-enhancing drugs had they been part of his era, he answered: "Most likely. Why not?"

"A term that I think has been overused a lot, especially by Alex, is 'culture' -- culture of the era he played in," Schmidt said. "We had a culture when I played. There was a culture in the era when Babe Ruth played. And in the '60s, there was a culture. It's just that way in life. And apparently -- I wasn't involved, but from hearing everybody -- that was the culture of the '90s and the early 2000s. The temptation had to be tremendous to the young men playing major league baseball back then."

If steroids were prevalent in his era, Mike Schmidt said he most likely would have been tempted to use them.

But when he was asked if he thought that being "young and stupid" was an acceptable explanation for what A-Rod did, Schmidt said: "Young and stupid may be better [when you're] 12, 13, 14, as opposed to 23, 4, 5 and 6."

Schmidt has said in the past he identifies with Rodriguez as a guy who has had trouble at times conquering the mental side of the game. So it's not surprising that Schmidt feels as though, for a man in the middle of a firestorm, Rodriguez "has handled it very well -- the best you can do at damage control, I guess."

"I think he's doing the best he can do, based upon who he is and the town he plays in and the pressure he's under," Schmidt said. "He's got two choices -- face it or hide from it. And I don't think there's any in-between. We've seen some of the guys who have hidden from it, and how their lives have changed. And I think facing it head-on is the best way for someone like Alex."

Schmidt admitted he has been riveted by this story as much as anyone, saying, "As a fan sitting back, I kind of feed on it, too." But he said he wasn't particularly interested in second-guessing A-Rod's quotes or sound bites.

"I look more at the psychological side of it," he said. "That's what's interesting -- how sports fans choose their heroes, how we as a human race choose our heroes, how our heroes always seem to let us down. You know, when you pick a sports hero, he at some point lets you down. ...

"My take on the whole thing is, rather than having an Alex Rodriguez as your hero, or a Roger Clemens as your hero, how about someone fighting in the war in Iraq, or a heart surgeon, or Barack Obama. Why not focus more on people who really matter in this world?"

Random Musings on Defense, Speed and Pitching

1. Defense, speed and pitching. That's how we're going to win this year. You've heard it from Bob Castenelli. You've heard it from Walt Jocketty. You've heard it from Dusty. And you've heard it from all the fans drinking the red Kool-aid. That's fine. Every year there are new reasons to be excited, and how can you not be a little excited for another season of Reds baseball on the horizon.

2. So we couldn't win during the long ball era. I guess we should blame that on Adam Dunn and Ken Griffey Jr., and not on starting pitchers Matt Belisle, Eric Milton, Elizardo Ramirez, Brandon Claussen, Ramon Ortiz, Luke Hudson, Paul Wilson, Jose Acevedo, Cory Lidle, Todd Van Poppel, Ryan Dempster (when he sucked), Jimmy Haynes, Chris Rietsma, Lance Davis, Osvaldo Fernandez and the various management teams who acquired these players.

3. Ryan Howard's 2008 line: .251/.339/.543, 12.7 ABs/HR, 3.07 ABs/SO

Adam Dunn's 2008 line: .236/.386/.513, 12.9 ABs/HR, 3.15 ABs/SO

Ryan Howard finishes 2nd in MVP voting and his team wins the World Series. Adam Dunn is shown the door, traded to Arizona for potential 5th starter Micah Owings.

Point: It helps to be surrounded by good players.

4. Similar batters comparable to Adam Dunn through age 28 as compiled by Baseball Reference: Darryl Strawberry, Jose Canseco, Harmon Killebrew, Rocky Colavito, Reggie Jackson, Troy Glaus, Roger Maris.

Similar batters comparable to Chris Dickerson/Jerry Hairston Jr./Jonny Gomes: who cares.

Point: I would sacrifice some defense to have a lumber bat in the current Reds lineup. The World Champion Phillies surrounded Howard with good hitters and speed. If the Reds had kept Adam Dunn, they could have formed a similar balance, but instead, we released him just as all the pieces were starting to fall in place.

5. Often in baseball, the term "defense, pitching and speed" is masked language for "we're kinda poor."

Poll Results: There is Nothing More Embarrassing than Owning This

Red Scare readers have spoken. Apparently, there is nothing more embarrassing then getting Matt Belisle's autograph. Getting the signage of this ex-Red is, according to readers, more embarrassing than spitalling into someone's eye, being too short for the amusement park ride, or tearing your hamstring at Reds Fantasy Camp. Ouch.

Spittaling in someone's eye happens to the best of us. You are talking excitedly with a co-worker, possibly someone you are attracted to, and before you know it, you have catapulted a small globule of saliva from your mouth, bullet speed, onto their eyeball. They cock their head and blink a few times, taking a few moments to understand the situation, and you stay quiet and pretend like nothing happened. This, however, is not as embarrassing as getting John Hancock de Belisle.

Being too short for the amusement park ride is always embarrassing, especially if you're 38 years old, but not as embarrassing as inking Belisle's name when others can see you.

A fourth of the voters suggested that tearing your hamstring at Reds Fantasy Camp was more embarrassing than getting Belisle'd. Just imagine it. You stroke a lobbed pitch from Dick Pole into the right field gap. Then, running to first, almost like predetermination, you know you're stretching it into two. You round first hard and take a wide turn, and then, it happens. You put too much pressure on your pivot leg, which hasn't had this type of workout since you cut the no-man's grass between you and your asshole neighbor's yard, and you shriek in pain and go down clutching your hammy. Even this scene, however, is not as embarrassing as getting an autograph from Matthew Belisle.

Roy Oswalt is Most Likely on Steroids

Roy Oswalt voiced his hatred of Alex Rodriguez and other steroid users today. Here are some quotes taken from the mlb.com interview.

"A-Rod's numbers shouldn't count for anything. I feel like he cheated me out of the game."

"It does bother me. Especially for the guys that went out there and did it on talent. We're always going to have a cloud on us, and that's not fair."

"The ones that have come out and admitted it, and are proven guilty, [their numbers] should not count. I've been cheated out of the game," Oswalt continued. "This is my ninth year, and I've done nothing to enhance my performance, other than work my butt off to get guys out. These guys [who took PEDs] have all the talent in the world. All-Star talent. And they put times two on it.

"I'm going out there with the ability God gave me. They have that ability, too, and they're putting something on top of it."

As a Ranger, Rodriguez was 3-for-5 vs. Oswalt with two doubles, one home run, three RBIs and two walks. Last year, as a Yankee, Rodriguez was hitless in two at-bats against Oswalt. ~mlb.com.

"The few times we played them, when he got hits, it could have cost me a game," Oswalt said. "It could have cost me money in my contract. He cheated me out of the game and I take it personally, because I've never done [PEDs], haven't done it, and they're cheating me out of the game."

It is also mentioned in the article that Roy is willing to give former teammate Roger Clemens the benefit of the doubt because many details surrounding the case are "suspicious."

I can understand why you're a bit irked Roy, but let's just calm down for a second. I can't imagine how upset you're going to be when they release the names of the other 103 players that tested positive for illegal substances in 2003, many of them surely your teammates and friends, and who knows, maybe even you or you're children. Be careful Roy. We're watching you.

One thing is certain. You have earned the nickname the Hillbilly from The Red Scare for saying the phrase, "The guys [who took PEDs] have all the talent in the world. All-Star talent. And they put times two on it." Truly awesome. And just to clarify, if Alex Rodriguez really "put times two" on his talent, he should've hit at least 80 HRs a year from 2001-2003.

Reds.comments: Bless Their Hearts

EDITOR'S NOTE

This will be a reoccurring segment on The Red Scare where we analyze certain fan comments posted under news articles and press releases from Reds.com, the official propaganda machine of the Cincinnati Reds.

On signing an outfielder

"Why Griffey Jr.? Did you see him play the past 8/9 years? He can't catch up to a 92 mph heater anymore. Walt has done an excellent job in the offseason acquiring players that make financial and team chemistry sense. Speed, defense, and pitching win games this days. Hernandez, Taveras, and Gomes were big acquistions this offseason. Remember when the Reds gave Cantu a chance two years ago? Can't wait for the season to start. GO REDS!!!!!!"

We won't go into the unfortunate injuries that have plagued Junior and how that has affected his play. But for the right price (which will not be that much) I wouldn't mind Junior off the bench. According to you, Walt has done "an excellent job" this offseason and "Hernandez, Taveras and Gomes were big acquisitions." Wow, you're easily impressed. You see, I would consider players like Bobby Abreu, Mark Teixiera and Milton Bradley as "big acquisitions." Keep drinking the water.

On the starting left fielder

"You have to start hairston, anyone can come up and hit 300 6 hrs and 15 rbi in the last 31 games of the season when no one is trying and a bunch of triple and double A cats are pitching. Hairston is faster than dickerson, will hit for a better avg, steal more bases and just be more of an asset to the team out in left. dont get me wrong i like dickerson but i think he has to prove himself in spring training to even be considered for the job."

I agree that Dickerson needs to prove himself, but give the guy some credit for putting up those numbers at the end of last year. You need to take your love affair with Jerry Hairston Jr. down a notch. He's a career .260/.330/.370 hitter who had a career year in his 11th season. Jerry is also linked to steroids in the Mitchell Report, but no one seems to give a crap because he's Jerry Hairston Jr. Give the young guy a chance to prove himself, not in Spring Training, but for the first month or two of the season. I think the idea of judging players by how they perform in Spring Training is silly. There are some fringe players that have incredible Spring Trainings and still don't make the squad and other players who make the squad after horrendous springs, which tells us that a majority of the roster spots are predetermined and involve money, not talent.

On not making any sense

"cincinasty got it right look at patterson last yr a baker buddy.last year had a lot to do with baker not the players when it comes to losing"

what?

Welcome: Darryl Ward and Jacque Jones (and still not Bobby Abreu)

Playing time for Chris Dickerson/Jerry Hairston Jr./Jonny Gomes just got a bit tighter with the recent signings of veterans Darryl Ward and Jacque Jones to minor league contracts (and for those wondering, the text layered over the profile pics was done through a new computer software called Microsoft Paint, where you can graffiti over the top of image files).

While there is no guarantee that either will make the Opening Day roster, Ward will mostly likely fill the tubby void left by Javier Valentin, formerly of the Three-Headed Suck Monster. Ward, who has seen time at first base and in the outfield in 11 seasons, is primarily a pinch hitter, which is a fancy way of saying Darryl isn't good enough to play defense and shouldn't be allowed to have 3-4 ABs a game. It's always hard to judge a pinch hitter's numbers because the sample size is miniscule and they are forever swinging cold, so a career .263/.320/.447 could be worse (see Javier Valentin). Darryl is aware of the enemy. He's played with Chicago, Houston and Pittsburgh.

When the Reds signed Jonny Gomes to a minor league contract a few weeks ago, fans were generally accepting of this move, mostly because it served as outfield insurance if Chris Dickerson didn't develop/Jerry Hairston Jr. returned to his normal self/Lance Nix played to expectations and sucked. Now with Jones competing for an outfield spot, the annual revolving door in the grass that Reds fans have become accustomed to is now complete (see 2008--Griffey, Dunn, Patterson, Hopper, Bruce, Freel, Hairston, Dickerson). Jones, in his 11th season, owns three worthy seasons (2002, 2003 and 2006).

There are those who will say, "The more players we have competing for the outfield job, the better." I disagree. This is only putting added pressure on Chris Dickerson. As soon as he slumps, they're going to replace him and I'm not sure this is a good thing. If there are too many players trying out in left, we'll never have any consistency in the order. Man, I sure wouldn't mind having Bobby Abreu for a year around $3 million. With Abreu, we possibly make a run at the Wild Card.

Edinson Volquez: It's Hard Out There for a Pimp

EDITOR'S NOTE
**The music video promo that showcases Dominican rapper Maceo in a car with Edinson Volquez and a gun has been removed, probably by Major League Baseball. So I've posted the actually video. If you squint, you can spot Edinson around 3:05, waving Benjamins in the air like he just don't care. Pretty hilarious.



Hilarious sidenote: Reds.com, the official propaganda machine of the Reds, buried the Edinson/gun story under two articles written before it. Hmm.

Marty Brennamen vs. Cubs Nation (Lonely Hearts Club)

Adam Dunn hits a homer at Wrigley and the following occurs (must have sound for this one)...


And the response from the Cubs (video begins after half-naked woman clip. Don't ask).

Please do this man a favor and leave him a message on his wall describing to him what it's like to touch a woman (or if you're a woman, a detailed list of why he will never touch you). It's myspace.com/bennydallasjr. Apparently he's a rapper too. I'm not sure how this gets much better.

Ranks: NL Central Second Basemen

1. Brandon Phillips, 28--CIN
2. Kaz Matsui, 33--HOU
3. Rickie Weeks, 26--MIL
4. Freddy Sanchez, 31--PIT
5. Mike Fontinot, 29--CHI
6. Aaron Miles, 33--CHI
7. Adam Kennedy, 33--STL

Brandon Phillips is number one. No questions here. It's a combination of two things really:
1.) He has speed, power, glove, youth and a winning smile.
2.) The others are essentially trade bait. They've all had a good season or two (except for Kennedy and Miles who are just terrible) which gives them each more value than a minor leaguer. Matsui looks more promising every year but keeps getting older and older. Weeks is the exact opposite (yes, he gets younger and younger). Sanchez plays for Pittsburgh which means he is incapable of amounting to anything for the rest of his life. Mike Fontinot had a year similar to Jeff Keppinger in 2007 but he still finds himself behind Aaron Miles on the Cubs depth chart, probably because he can only move two feet laterally to each side (life = cruel).

I was a bit harsh on Phillips in my scouting report, but my cell phone wasn't charged and I let my Cheerios get soggy that morning. I still think he swings too hard and doesn't get on base enough, but one can only be so perfect. Even if Brandon never does the 30/30 thing again, I'll be fine as long as he brings the D, gets OB and cuts the Ks. It's tough for NL second basemen these days. They seem to be dying off (Kent,...and...Kent). There's Mr. Utley, and who else? Dan Uggla, Kelly Johnson, Orlando Hudson? I guess it's Brandon Phillips.

Ranks: NL Central First Basemen

1. The Destroyer of All Things Spherical, 29--STL
2. Lance Berkman, 33--HOU
3. Prince Fielder, 25--MIL
4. Joey Votto, 25--CIN
5. Derrek Lee, 33--CHI
6. Adam LaRoche, 29--PIT

If you're a Reds fan, this list is rather depressing. The NL Central has a stranglehold on the rest of baseball with first base talent. Joey Votto really gets shafted here, and I was generous not to put Derrek Lee ahead of him as many others would.

There is no easier rank in baseball than placing Albert Pujols 1st on this list. Abolutely terrifying is the fact that Albert is coming off his best season (.357/.462/.653). He eats Lance Berkman's for breakfast, and Lance Berkman is amazing, a steady lock in the two spot. Did you know that Lance stole 18 bases last year and was only caught 4 times? That's 14 true stolen bases for someone with the nicknames Big Puma and Fat Elvis. Brandon Phillips only had 13 true stolen bases last year. Ouchies! If Lance can do it, so can you Joey Votto, Edwin Encarnacion and Alex Gonzalez.

Prince Fielder is 3rd, even though Joey's rookie numbers matched Prince's last year. They are the same age, but Prince has a 50 HR season under his double-sized belt. Derrek Lee, 5th on this list, was one of the more underrated players in the game until he went nuts in 2005 (.335/.418/.662). While he hasn't matched that production since, he is getting more recognition now, as his numbers begin to sag. Even Adam LaRoche, the last man on the list, has a career 114 OPS+. Damn Gina!

Joey Votto is not a defensive rock like Pujols or Lee, but he will get great practice as long as Edwin mans the hot corner. Joey might only be the 4th best first basemen in the NL Central, but he's probably 6th-8th in the NL right now--and he's just getting started. Joey will never put up Albert numbers and it would be unfair to expect Berkman numbers, but we can expect him to outperform Fielder and Lee this year. After all, he is our big bat.

Scouting Report: Alex Gonzalez, Who Does Exist

Offense:
Did you know that Alex Gonzalez has finished with an OPS+ below the league average in all 10 seasons? His best offensive stint occurred in 2007, his first year with the Reds, when he hit .272/.325/.468 with a 99 OPS+ in about two-thirds of a season. This was phenomenal for Alex compared to his career averages (.248/.295/.399 and an 80 OPS+). Because Alex is not a power hitter (106 HRs in 4,002 ABs) there is no reason why he strikes out as often as he does, every 4.9 ABs. Alex seems to have Brandon Phillips syndrome--he swings about three times too hard.

Defense:
Alex has more range than No Country For Old Men. If it's hit between second and third you can bet your bippy Alex is going to at least attempt to make a play. This might be why his career fielding percentage is under the league average for shortstops--he doesn't know when to eat it. If Alex backhands a Juan Pierre grounder deep in the hole and Juan has already crossed first base, there's a good chance Alex will still throw the ball. And there's a good chance that ball will go over Joey Votto's head and five runners will score because Bronson Arroyo is pitching and only Bronson Arroyo can have an inning that bad.

Overall:
There's no denying Alex's sexiness. When he successfully makes that play in the hole against Juan Pierre, there is not much else to do but fall out of your chair with the giggles. And when he follows that next inning with a solo shot into the left field bleachers, there is not much else to do but die. But like with any sexy person, it's easy to get caught up in the image. Numbers don't lie.

STAT WATCH: Alex needs to stop swinging and missing. 4.9 ABs/SO is not good for a Punch-and-Judy hitter. If he can cut it to 7 ABs/SO we will observe a pleasant rise in his offensive numbers. It will be hard to watch a .250-hitting Alex get the nod ahead of Jeff Keppinger, who will hit at least .300 if healthy. If Alex can hit .285, which he's never done, I'll be happy. This is another way of saying I probably won't be happy. In this blogger's humble opinion, shortstop should be Keppinger's to lose.