Reds Lineup: "Producing Runs is HARRDDD."

Jay Bruce: Opposite-field double off the wall in a cold drizzle against Johan Santana. Oh, and he was fooled on the pitch and swung noncommitally.

Joey Votto: The plate presence of a veteran. Reminds me of Splinter, the knowledgable old sewer rat from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But why Joey did you strike out on three consecutive fastballs down the middle without lifting the bat off your shoulder. You're better than that.

Edwin Encarnacion: Walked twice and smoked a tough luck liner that was caught by Murphy that would have tied the game, but his game was not without a brain fart. You should never get doubled up at first from the outfield.

George Grande: I have to give it to him. He does a good interview, this time with Frank Robinson. Sure, his questions are softballs, but the guy is classy. Maybe that's why I despise him so much. Too much class. I like the broadcaster with nothing to lose, who says things that don't even make sense, like Jeff Brantley.

Darnell McDonald: He is really good at diving for balls and not catching them, then sliding forty feet out of the camera view. I felt like Hairston and McDonald were going to drop every ball. They exuded no confidence. When that blooper fell in between Hairston, McDonald and Gonzalez, somehow, somewhere Adam Dunn saw this and laughed.

Aaron Harang: Effective. Could have gone another inning. The Mets weren't hitting him that hard. I'm still confused as to how you and Ramon Hernandez let Ryan Church steal second?

Chris Dickerson: Crime against humanity that the guy wasn't given the Opening Day nod. Worked a full count walk against J.J. Putz late in the game.

Aflac trivia question: Harder than the pink questions from Trivial Pursuit genus edition V.

Quote of the Game: A moustacheless Chris Welsh. "Pitching is pitching. Catching is catching."

Spitting rain. Cold. Johan Santana all up in your personal space. Taveras down with the flu. Can we get a do-over.